I’m an enigma.

For years I never quite understood myself. I was always extremely social yet equally shy. I had plenty to say to my friends, yet I would never talk to strangers.
I would willingly call all my friends on the phone and talk for hours (or until someone yelled to get off the phone…because back when I grew up there was no such thing as cell phones or call waiting) yet be debilitated at the thought of making a phone call to order pizza.
I always wished I could be more like other people, believing that something inside of me was “wrong.” Why did I never have anything interesting to say when asked the dreaded question “So Jeanna, what are your hobbies?” Feeling as though my responses of “reading, listening to movies, sitting outside” weren’t good enough.
It wasn’t until later in life that I finally heard the term “introvert” and began understanding that everyone is wired different. And realizing that it was okay to be “me” and to enjoy things completely by myself as well as with others.
That was the beginning of my self-acceptance journey. Of not just learning about who I am, but actually loving myself because I am exactly who God made me to be. God didn’t make me to be the life of the party. He didn’t make me to be an exceptional athlete. He didn’t make me to get all the accolades or love being in the spotlight. He made me to love and care for others deeply, and to step into a support role for them, lifting up and encouraging them. God wired me for care. And he wired me to enjoy simple things in life, to find joy in small moments.
We are ALL created differently. We are unique individuals, made exactly how God wanted us to be. That’s not to say we all can’t work on being better versions of ourselves, as we all should aspire to being the best we can possibly be, but let’s be joyful and accepting of ourselves and our own unique wiring. Because once we embrace ourselves, that is win we can start to thrive.
I always thought I was an enigma because I believed myself to be contradictory to the norm, puzzling myself and others with my strange quirks and habits. And that something was inherently wrong with such. But now I realize we are ALL enigmas. Everyone is quirky and original…it’s just a matter of if they hide it or not. So let’s embrace ourselves and each other, because we are who God made us to be. And that is more than enough.